Random Ruminations: Fear

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Fear is a funny thing. I find that most of the time it disguises itself as an excuse.

"I'm not ready. I wasn't prepared. I am too overwhelmed. This is just too much. I don't like this."

When what I really mean is, "I'm afraid."

I'm afraid that I can't. I'm afraid that I don't know enough. I'm afraid that I will embarrass myself. I'm afraid that I won't be understood. I'm afraid of being criticized. I'm afraid that I will fail. 

And so, I don't.

I don't start. I don't take risks. I don't build relationships. I don't take action.

Most days I still can't face my fears. Right now I work around them, but at least I know they're there.

And one day I will be strong enough to face them and knowing that one day I will be strong enough to face them makes me feel stronger already.

Happy Accidents with the Fuji x100t

Happy Accidents with the Fuji x100t

I have a confession - I don’t always take the best care of my gear. I have never been great at putting things away perfectly or keeping everything spotless. My camera is a tool and while I don’t abuse the things I own, my camera often finds its way to the bottom of a bag or a lens cap is kept off for a little too long.

The dreaded question - "What do you do?"

The dreaded question - "What do you do?"

I have identified as a dancer for as long as I can remember. When people ask what I do, I always respond with, “I’m a dancer.” Even when dance wasn’t my job. Even when dance wasn’t making me any money. I responded with “I’m a dancer.” It has defined me. It has been my biggest love and greatest passion for nearly 20 years.